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Tonight’s the Night: Schedule a Sex Date for Sex

Scheduling a date for sex seems like it would kill all the spontaneity that you imagine goes along with an erotic life, right?  But think about it.  When you were dating, didn’t you know when those hot dates would end in something other than a hot cup of Joe at the end of the night?  You anticipated your sexy dates and you got ready.  You prepared for them, sometimes physically by wearing special clothes, or shaving or perfuming your skin.   Emotionally you got excited and looked forward to connecting with your new partner.  And sexually your body and brain actually began releasing hormones and brain chemicals that prepared the way for a hot and sexy evening.   Thinking about sex got you in the mood for sex.  Knowing it was coming made for some hot fantasies and what I call anticipatory eroticism.

Now that you are married or living together and you know your partner is available to you anytime, you might have put aside those sexy clothes, the shaving your legs every day and the sexy thoughts.  That’s why combining sex with domesticity can feel a little boring.  Anticipating sex is part of rejuvenating the excitement of sexuality.  When you schedule a special night that is dedicated to your erotic life together, it gives you a chance to remember what is important about your erotic life together, and honors that it is important to both of you.

In our busy lives most of us make time for what is crucial – work, sleep, food.  But sex is crucial to the survival of intimate relationships.  Making time for it means you can be as spontaneous as you want – if you plan it.

Schedule a sex date once a week at the same time or day every week.  Turn your bedroom into a sacred space, decorate it with flowers or candles, and turn on soft music and soft lighting.  Change your sheets and scent the room.

When the big night comes, keep your expectations open and reasonable.  Remember that this night can be anything that works for you and makes you feel connected to your partner. Massage, holding each other, and sharing fantasies can make this an important night of sensual pleasures.

Make the sex date with your partner a regular commitment in your relationship and watch how your relationship grows from distant to intimate in only a few weeks


Dr. Anne Aja

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