Self Help


A singles group once asked me to give a talk on how to know if a potential partner is a good one.  I developed this list with the help of Clarrisa Pinkolas Estes’ book “How To Love A Woman”.

1. In the relationship you feel free to be fully yourself

2. Choose someone as if you are blind

3. Choose someone who has the ability to learn

4.  Choose someone who can be flexible, for example both strong and sensitive

5.  Choose someone who when you hurt them,can feel the pain and are willing to show

the pain.  Also, when they hurt you, they see your pain and feel sorry.

6.  Choose someone who can care for themself as an independent being both emotionally

and physically.

7.  Pick someone who has interests of their own

8.  Pick someone who has similar passions

9.  Choose someone who has similar values and beliefs

10. Choose someone who is compassionate

11. Choose someone who can laugh at themselves

12. Choose someone who is able to overlook and accept faults and idiosyncracies

13. Don’t get involved with someone you have to make excuses for, or expect that you

will change

14.  You are friends as well as lovers

15. Choose someone who makes your life bigger, not smaller

16. Choose someone who gets along with, or has made peace with their parents

Randy Colker, Ph.D.

Where We Are

Rock Landing Psychological Group, PLC
The James Building
11825 Rock Landing Drive
Newport News, VA 23606
Phone: (757) 873-1736
Fax: (757) 873-1028