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Sexual Sabotage: When People Don’t Allow Themselves to Enjoy Sex

Sex should be one of life’s great joys. But some people, even if sexually active, are unable to experience a real sense of satisfaction.  The joy of lovemaking often gets sidetracked because of deeply held negative beliefs about sex or oneself.  For some, the lack of emotional enjoyment may be accompanied by physical problems such as difficulty becoming aroused, or an inability to reach orgasm.  But even of those who are able to function sexually, many do not enjoy sex.

As a sex therapist I often tell clients that the primary sexual organ is the brain.  What truly determines “good sex” isn’t the rigidity of the erection or the number of orgasms, but rather how a sexual experience is perceived.  Good sex requires empathy, cooperation, maturity and communication.

Sex therapy focuses on resolving the problems that interfere with good sex.  Problems addressed include:  Unresolved anger, sexual guilt, poor self-esteem, sexual trauma and lack of emotional intimacy.

Because the practice of sex therapy is often misunderstood, please be assured that nudity and overt sexual behavior are neither required nor permitted.  There are many important things that can be learned about good sex with your clothes on and your feet on the floor.

Anne Aja, Ed.D
Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist
AASECT Certified Sex Therapist  and Diplomate in Sex Therapy