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Infidelity

The cruelest lies are often told in silence.” — Robert Louis Stevenson

There is no bigger paradigm shift that a relationship experiences than in the aftermath of disclosing or discovering an affair. The betrayal cuts deep and shreds not only the trust between the couple, but often the ability to trust one’s own judgment and the agreements that we believed defined our lives. Less than a third of all couples who encounter the experience, which is more than half of all of us, actually heal the experience. Many couples never get beyond the initial crisis that the affair creates, choosing to leave the relationship with their wounds intact and the rest of the relationship in tatters. Read More…

Anger Management

  • Yell, scream, cry, and hit a pillow.
  • Give yourself permission to be angry and stop fighting yourself.
  • Keep a journal. Write down each time you feel angry. What triggered the thought? How long did you feel angry for? What did you do about it and why? After a weeks worth of keeping the journal, can you find a pattern? Some patterns are healthy, others are self-destructive? Read More…

Allowing the True Self to Emerge

Healthy boundaries create healthy relationships. Unhealthy boundaries create dysfunctional ones. By establishing clear boundaries, we define ourselves in relation to others. To do this, however, we must be able to identify and respect our needs, feelings, opinions, and rights. Otherwise our efforts would be like putting a fence around a yard without knowing the property lines. Read More…

Tonight’s the Night: Schedule a Sex Date for Sex

Scheduling a date for sex seems like it would kill all the spontaneity that you imagine goes along with an erotic life, right?  But think about it.  When you were dating, didn’t you know when those hot dates would end in something other than a hot cup of Joe at the end of the night?  You anticipated your sexy dates and you got ready.  You prepared for them, sometimes physically by wearing special clothes, or shaving or perfuming your skin.   Emotionally you got excited and looked forward to connecting with your new partner.  And sexually your body and brain actually began releasing hormones and brain chemicals that prepared the way for a hot and sexy evening.   Thinking about sex got you in the mood for sex.  Knowing it was coming made for some hot fantasies and what I call anticipatory eroticism. Read More…

Box Breathing: A Simple Technique for Stress Relief

Overview

Four-square breathing, sometimes referred to as the box breathing technique, is a simple technique that you can do at any time that you feel stressed. Controlled breathing is an integral part of meditation and can be utilized independently to calm nerves and relieve stress by helping to regulate the autonomic nervous system.  Square breathing emphasizes control through counts of four, which allows your body to make full use of the air. You also will work the chest and abdominal muscles slightly as you practice the box breathing technique. Read More…

When is A Little Holiday Cheer not so Cheerful?

We’ve all heard the justifications.  Maybe we’ve even said them ourselves. “It’s the holidays.  Everybody drinks a little.  Have a little Christmas cheer.”  After all, doesn’t everybody want to get into the holiday spirit?  So what’s the problem with a few drinks anyway?

For most people, nothing.  Most people will celebrate this holiday season safely visiting with family and friends, imbibing in their favorite eggnog or other alcoholic concoction with no untoward effects.  Most, but not all.  Read More…

How to choose a therapist

 How to choose a therapist: You have made an important choice, a potentially life-changing choice: to begin therapy (sex therapy, marriage counseling, couples counseling, individual therapy, or family therapy). But how do you find a good therapist? Read More…

Depression

When depression hits, a cloud moves in.  Depression steals the light.  Through the gray filter of depression, even activities and people who were once before a source of pleasure now feel irritating and overwhelming. Nothing brings joy.  Everything’s an ordeal.

If you are one of the estimated 20.9 million people who are suffering from some form depression in a given year, it’s vitally important for you to realize you do not have to feel this way.  Depression is a treatable condition.  There really is a path to a life that is again filled with vitality and moments of joy.  Psychotherapy can do a lot to help you understand your depression, while helping you find your way out of the darkness. Read More…

Grieving the Break-up

A break-up is like a death.  It requires a grieving process.  That process is more painful if you are the one being left.

When someone in our lives dies, we are hit with a variety of painful feelings, varying from depression, panic, anger, loss.  Theorists used to think that these feelings progressed in orderly “stages,” the stages of grief: denial, bargaining, anger, depression, and acceptance.  Now, however, clinicians think the process is messier than that, with feelings cycling back and forth in no orderly progression. Read More…